“why are you even here?”

I went to part of the Toastmasters conference last week. At one of the sessions, I was on my tablet and the lady next to me said “why are you even here if you aren’t going to pay attention”. I was doing a mix of:

I obviously didn’t get into this with the woman who said this. But I did email myself that the answer would be a good blog post. I use a computer/tablet during conferences in two scenarios.

Scenario 1: I want to be fully immersed in the material

As noted in the presentation she was hassling me in, humans have a short attention span. Live blogging prevents me from being distracted. I’m *very* focused on what is going on because I’m listening and processing to write. This only leaves me with a tiny bit of spare brain power. Which I use for scanning comments from others ex: twitter.  And it prevents me from having enough brain power to attempt doing something that has the potential to steal my focus like email.

Now granted, I wasn’t live blogging at the Toastmasters conference. But it is common for me to do so at tech conferences. For example, see my QCon blog posts. Hard to argue I wasn’t paying attention there!

Scenario 2: Only listening some

Sometimes you are only interested in part of a session or the speaker isn’t great. Not bad enough to get up and leave. But not enough to want to pay full attention. (If I’m at a session after work on the weekend or on a vacation day, it’s completely up to me how much attention I pay.) And there’s an advantage to this. Paying partial attention, you might learn something. Leaving you guarantee you’ll learn nothing.

This Toastmasters event was on my vacation time and I paid the entrance fee. There were plenty of the empty chairs in the room so I wasn’t taking a seat away from someone who would pay full attention. And I didn’t sit in the front so I wasn’t taking up a “good seat”. So completely up to me what I wanted to do in the room. At least I wasn’t bothering anyone. I sat next to another person at this event (not this lady) who took notes by repeating what the speaker said into their phone.

As far as why did I come – I wanted to see what the semifinals and world championships of public speaking were like. And I wanted to go on vacation to Vancouver. So I combined the two. You can’t pay for just the speaking part; the educational sessions are bundled. So I went to most of them. They were good. But mainly inspirational or facts we’ve been exposed to. I don’t need to pay full attention to get what I’m going to out of that.

Conferences encourage this

The Toastmasters conference encouraged people to post in the activity stream of their app. (Like a poor man’s twitter.) They incentivized posting pictures rather than having discussions so the stream wasn’t comment rich. But they clearly didn’t discourage having your phone/tablet out. And they supplied internet. [By comparison there was a no phone/tablet policy during the world championships of public speaking at night.]

Now for the speaker’s side

My first public presentation was in 2011 at The Java Server Side Symposium. (Scott and I live blogged there too). I knew it is common at tech conferences for people to be doing other things while in a session – tweeting, email, coding, whatever. So I gave a presentation at my Toastmasters club called “The Case of the Distracted Audience”. I gave people specific annoying things to do and practiced reacting to them. It helped a lot.

 

 

deep listening: creating conversational agility

Deep Listening: Creating Conversational Agility
Speaker: Brian Branagan

See the list of all blog posts from the conference

Reasons we don’t listen

  • Want to speak
  • Overwhelmed by details
  • Bored

Statistic: a third of projects fail because of poor communication and ineffective listening

Project failure lingers as a source of agitation even when move on to other projects. Like a low priority background process

Need to improve outcome of conversations to have better outomes. 93% of what we comunicate is from body, emotions in tone of voice/body language. Only 7% is words.

Layers of Deep Listening
Each layer contributes to the layer above it. A shift in one layer changes the others

  1. Our speaking – the actual words. Coordinates actions with other people. Includes opinions, facts, requests, commitments. Types include transactional (ask/tell), positional (advoicate from a role), transformation (share a vision)
  2. Our emotions – expressed in voice and body language. Emotions begin as biological responses to circumstances. This is why sometimes was experiences before know why. Body pattern matches for a similar emotional signature. This makes us upset based on past occurences. Predisposes us for certain kinds of action. Four basic emotions: fear, anger, sad, glad
  3. Our body – generates sensations and energy. Our way of interacting with the world around us. Informs us about threats to our safety. Fight reaction. Helps identify friends/foes and lets us know how to fit in

Conversational agility is moving from “me” to “we”. It’s havig two people who can listen.

Most important thing is to pause and ground yourself – when upset, grounded, etc. Wiggle your toes to feel the ground and relax. Watch your breathing rate.

practical empathy – live blogging from qcon

Practical Empathy: unlocking the superpower
Speaker: Pavneet Singh Saund @pavsaund

See the list of all blog posts from the conference

speaker’s blog: http://codingwithempathy.com

Started by telling the story about the guy who broke the prod database on his first day on the job and how it was poorly handled. Compare with speaker mixing up two elements (physics) – asked how was and was told his boss has done that and suggested to go home/rest/come back next day.

What is Empathy

  • Ability to see world as others see it
  • Ability to understand another’s current feelings
  • Witholding judgement
  • Communicate that understanding back to them

Told story about a team deciding to work more hours where they could. Speaker worked as well to keep up. But exhausted becuase little kids and burden on wife. Impacted family and daughter. Burned out and quit for 6 months while on vacation.

Introspection

  • self-empathy is checking in with your own feelings and needs. Anger is an unfilled need.
  • Mindfulness – non-judgemental awareness of experiences in the present moment. For developers, sometimes a task is hard to start. ex: too big. Taking a few minutes to focus before starting helps. Be more engaged in moment and keep calm
  • Journaling – Writing thoughts and feelings honestly can be healing. Can empty the mind. Agile retrospectives are also a good place for reflection. But that’s for a team. Having a place you can swear provides a safe place to be honest. Also, makes awareness of how much filter own thoughts.

Listening

  • Listening to understand – put aside immediate goals. “Don’t just do something, listen”. As developers, our first reaction is to solve problems.
  • Listen withough judgement – Breathe to calm down. Be curious to learn and avoid irritation/frustration of not understanding
  • Assume good intent – “bad” intent could be misunderstanding or language/translation problems. Retrospective prime directive.
  • Listening to connect – Try to connect situtation to a feeling within you. Be curious to try to get to underlying feelings so can relate and understand

Gaining perspective

  • Challenge comfort zones – seek out diferent perspectives, learn about context
  • Walk a mile in their shoes – sit with the users, understand what they are trying to do. Pair with a tester. Work in customer support

“Empathy is the key to understanding”
“Empathy is a skill. You need to actively practice giving and receiving empathy”
“Empathy is hard”

Can’t have empathy in a culture of blame/shame
Empathy is hard. Takes energy and boundaries.
Empathy is a choice. It is a first step toward making more options available