Deep Listening: Creating Conversational Agility
Speaker: Brian Branagan
Reasons we don’t listen
- Want to speak
- Overwhelmed by details
Statistic: a third of projects fail because of poor communication and ineffective listening
Project failure lingers as a source of agitation even when move on to other projects. Like a low priority background process
Need to improve outcome of conversations to have better outomes. 93% of what we comunicate is from body, emotions in tone of voice/body language. Only 7% is words.
Layers of Deep Listening
Each layer contributes to the layer above it. A shift in one layer changes the others
- Our speaking – the actual words. Coordinates actions with other people. Includes opinions, facts, requests, commitments. Types include transactional (ask/tell), positional (advoicate from a role), transformation (share a vision)
- Our emotions – expressed in voice and body language. Emotions begin as biological responses to circumstances. This is why sometimes was experiences before know why. Body pattern matches for a similar emotional signature. This makes us upset based on past occurences. Predisposes us for certain kinds of action. Four basic emotions: fear, anger, sad, glad
- Our body – generates sensations and energy. Our way of interacting with the world around us. Informs us about threats to our safety. Fight reaction. Helps identify friends/foes and lets us know how to fit in
Conversational agility is moving from “me” to “we”. It’s havig two people who can listen.
Most important thing is to pause and ground yourself – when upset, grounded, etc. Wiggle your toes to feel the ground and relax. Watch your breathing rate.